


Picture imperfect

by Genoscissors



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Cheating, F/M, Iruma Miu's Dirty Mouth, I’m so sorry Tenko, M/M, Tenko is in a relationship with a guy but it's more platonic, established relationships - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-02-06 11:25:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12816495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Genoscissors/pseuds/Genoscissors
Summary: A challenge from Ouma to all the girls. They have to take a picture of their boyfriend and post it on Monday. What could go wrong? Except for the fact Saihara is dating more than one girl... 8 to be exact. Is there any way this can end well?





	1. Maki Harukawa

Another normal day at Hope's Peak. Or at least, as normal as it could be with Ouma around. The girls all received a letter calling them to the sports hall at 8 o’clock. It said the entire year should go there, but when they got there, there was only one boy. 

"Hello girls! You must be wondering why your favourite supreme leader has brought you here!" He stood on the stage and yelled at them. "Well, I have-"

"I’m leaving." Maki turned to walk away. Ouma hurriedly jumped off the stage to try and stop her, but ended up falling flat on his face.

"Wait! This is important!"

"Couldn’t you have just talked to us in the classroom?"

"But I want this to be a surprise for the guys."

"Come on Maki, let’s hear him out."

"Thank you, Kaede. Now, after that rude interruption, let me tell you something. All of you have boyfriends, correct!"

"Apart from Tenko." Maki stared off, not wanting to be there.

"I must admit, I am dating a- a male." The others looked at her in shook, everyone thought she was gay. "Hey, don’t look at me like that! He only asked me out yesterday, and my master always said that I should take opportunities!"

"I thought they also said you shouldn’t trust men."

"Well, yes, but he is not a degenerate! He is nice."

"Alright alright, that’s enough justification of the scenario author, let’s get to the point! Now, you do not know who everyone else is dating, do ya?"

"N-"

"That was rhetorical. I can tell you, everyone in this room is dating a boy in our class! Now, who’s dating who? Who knows!"

"That’s got to be a lie."

"I assure you, it’s the absolute truth. Swear on my life."

"But that would mean you’re dating one of us. Who in their right mind would do that?"

"Ouch. But anyway, I have a suggestion to prove it. All of you need to go on a date this week, and take a picture of you and him. On Monday, you will all post it in the group chat. Take it as a sign of love, and an end to the secrets. Alright!"

"Why should we-"

"I promise, it’ll be interesting, maybe a little unexpected! However, make sure you don’t tell anyone who it is until then, this has to be a complete surprise! See ya!" Ouma ran away, leaving 8 confused girls.

 

Despite her reluctance, Maki was curious, and decided to get this challenge over with. Besides, Ouma probably had a reason to do this, and most of the time he had good intentions deep down.

After class she waited for Saihara. "Hey, let’s go on a date."

Saihara looked around confused. "Wait, really? You’re the one asking?"

"Is that a problem?"

"No, of course not. So uh, that movie you wanted to see came out. Shall we go?"

Maki smiled "you remembered, thank you. Let’s go immediately, it’s 15 minutes by bus." They started to go, but Saihara seemed nervous. "Are you alright?"

"Well, uh... I’m..."

"Ah, right. It’s because it’s a horror movie. Don’t worry, I’ll protect you." She held his hand and walked next to him. He was surprised, she wasn’t usually this affectionate in public.

 

Maki chose two seats at the back of the cinema whilst Saihara was getting popcorn. They sat down, and realised they were sitting next to a kid. Why any parents would bring a 7 year old to a movie like this was beyond them, but Maki would be damned if anything was going to ruin her date.

Fortunately, Maki was able to calm the child down whenever he got scared, so it wasn’t too bad. His mother even seemed grateful. However, there was another screaming boy next to her. She didn’t want to disturb anyone, so she whispered as quietly as she could. "If you’re scared you can lean on my shoulder." Saihara blushed and did as she suggested. Maki put an arm round him and the date continued in peace. Kinda.

After the movie they got Starbucks and talked for a while.

"That was a good movie."

"Y-yeah..."

"You’re cute when you’re scared."

"Huh?" Maki took this opportunity. She took a picture of the two of them. "Hey! I-"

"You don’t like photos? Well this one looks good, I’m keeping it."

"I guess I can’t argue with that."

They finished their drinks and went back to school. Maki waved goodbye as she entered the dorms. She had completed the challenge. She went onto the girl's group chat.

 

Maki: Are we really doing this picture thing?

Maki: I’m sure Ouma is plotting something

Tsumugi: When isn’t he plotting something...

Kaede: How bad could it be? It’s just a picture? What could go wrong?

Iruma: You against this?

Iruma: Were you a ducking liar when you said you had a boyfriend???

Iruma: Ugh, autocorrect...

Angie: So curious! Who is it!

Maki: I wasn’t lying

Maki: I have a photo, you’ll see on Monday. Is everyone else ready?

Tsumugi: What sort of genius inventor can’t turn off auto correct?

Kirumi: We still have a week.

Kaede: I’m pretty busy this week

Kaede: I’ll do it on Wednesday

Iruma: Shut up glasses hitch!

Angie: I wonder where I should go with him...

Iruma: DAMMIT AUTOCORRECT


	2. Angie Yonaga

"Hey hey! Let's go to the art gallery today! Angie wants to see the new exhibition." She dragged him along the corridor after classes, eager to spend the afternoon with him, and take the needed photograph.

"Hey be a bit more quiet ok? You know I don't want anyone to know about us..." He replied.

"Why not? Are you ashamed? Is there something wrong with me?"

"N-no I love you but... it's just I don't want to ruin anything. I, don't really know how to explain it to you, but I'm just shy about telling people about us. Shall we go then?" Angie nodded and the walked off together, him glancing around constantly, hoping no one saw them. 

He obviously didn’t look hard enough, because both Ouma and Maki saw and heard exactly what they were doing.

"So is that why you told us to take a photo?"

"Of course! But don't think it's just you two, so please don't tell anyone until Monday, it's what he deserves, is it not?"

"Why didn’t you tell us before? Why give us a week."

"Because you’d never have believed me, would you? So please, just a week, then there'll be indisputable proof. "

"I don't trust you for a minute, but now I trust him even less. I'll wait, as you want." Maki was full of anger, she had trusted Saihara, but it turned out she was two timing her, or maybe there were more, given what Ouma had said.

"Why do you want to expose him? Aren’t you friends?"

"I want the truth to be known, is that not enough?"

"..." Maki glared at him

"Alright, That was a lie! I’ll tell you on Monday. See ya!" Ouma ran off, leaving Maki wondering, maybe it was to cause chaos in the group.

 

"So Saihara, do you want to know the real reason I brought you here?"

"I’m guessing there’s some of your work here, that you want me to see." Saihara had seen her work advertised all over the gallery, it was hardly a shock.

"Correct! You’re the smartest boyfriend ever!" Angie pulled him along, causing a guard or two to tell them to stop running. They arrived at the room where her art was, and Saihara felt the same feeling he always did when he saw her art. He almost fainted, but managed to hold himself up.

"Angie... it’s beautiful. Your best work yet." Angie jumped up and hugged him.

"Nyehehe, make sure you thank Atua!" Angie suddenly took out her phone and snapped a picture of the two of them in front of her work. She looked at it, and found it was really nice. "Nya he! The first photo of us together!"

"Angie..." Saihara wanted her to delete it, but there was no reason that wouldn’t give away his secret. "It’s fine, as long as you don’t show anyone."

"Awww, but it’s so cute... can’t I at least show our class?" Saihara's heart rate increased drastically, as if he was person S in the Aqa biology GCSE, and he shook his head.

"Please Angie? Just a little longer?"

"Alright then! I won’t show anyone until some time has passed." By some time she meant about a week, but he didn’t need to know that. 

 

They wandered around for a little longer, before heading home. Saihara waved goodbye to Angie as they left, and turned away, only to run directly into Kaede. "Agh!"

"Hello Saihara. Nice to see you here, were you looking at Angie's work?"

"Yes I was. It was really good." Saihara glanced over to where Angie had gone. Luckily, she was well out of earshot."

"It’s great to see you’re such good friends with everyone here. I’m almost jealous."

"Sorry..."

"Ah, no need to apologise. Are you free tomorrow? I’d love to go on a date with you."

"That’s fine. So what do you want to do?"

"As long as it’s with you anything is fine."

"How about we just stay at home, watch a movie or something." Lowering the risk of being seen. Is Kaede had arrived at the gallery 5 minutes earlier, she would have found out the truth, he had to avoid doing something like that again.

"That would be wonderful. Let’s go after class ends." Saihara knew that it would seem suspicious if they left together, so he had to make up an excuse.

"I’m sorry, but Miss Kirigiri asked me to help her tomorrow. Some detective work I’m assuming. I’ll go to your place as soon as I can. Is that alright with you?"

"I don’t mind, hope it goes well, I know how much you admire her." 

"Thank you. See you tomorrow."

 

Angie: Nyahaha! Are you all ready yet?

Maki: I am.

Tenko: I tried looking for him after school, but I couldn’t find him

Maki: Maybe he’s cheating on you.

Tsumugi: I can’t believe you have a boyfriend I was sure you’d end up with Himiko

Kirumi: Don’t force your ships on real people.

Maki: I have to agree, when you arrived at Hope's Peak you were an adamant man-hater.

Iruma: Yeah it was fucking hilarious "you males and your thrusting! Aaahhhhhhh!"

Tenko: Well I ended up talking to some males, and I found they were not as bad as I originally thought

Tenko: But some are.

Maki: Ouma?

Tenko: Ouma.

Angie: Well I took my photo today! 

Kaede: Today?

Angie: Yeah! At the art gallery! Atua made sure the lighting was perfect! I want to share it now but I’m excited at what Ouma is going to do.

Kaede: ...

Maki: Is something wrong Kaede?

Kaede: No, it’s fine.

 

Kaede looked up from her phone. There was no way... was there? But to be sure, she’d ask the best detective at Hope's Peak to investigate it for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey, this is back after half a year.


	3. Kaede Akamatsu

"Hello Miss Kirigiri." Kaede approached the upperclassman at lunch. She was sitting with Mukuro, who seemed to ignore the conversation. "How are you?"

"I’m alright, is there a reason you want to speak to me?" She didn’t even consider that Kaede might just want a friendly chat. 

"Well, my boyfriend has been acting weirdly. I guess he has been since we started dating, but I took no notice of it before. And I was wondering, when you’re doing, whatever it is you asked him to do later, could you talk to him about it."

Kirigiri had not asked anyone to do anything later, but she didn’t want to hurt Kaede without knowing the details, maybe the boy had something he was embarrassed to talk about. "I have many appointments later, could you tell me a name?"

"Saihara." Kaede gasped at her own words. "You know, you’re the first person I’ve told. Not even my friends, he wanted to keep it a secret from everyone."

"That is strange. Very well, I will ask him about it. Can I have your number?"

"Sure." And Kaede left, leaving Kirigiri to wonder what Saihara was up to. She had noticed him on what seemed to be a date with another girl. Whatever happened, someone would get hurt, and it would probably be Saihara, and whatever other girls he was dating.

 

After class, Kirigiri walked directly to their classroom and grabbed Saihara. They went to the biology lab on the fifth floor, where she was sure no one would come. Just to be safe she locked the door.

"So Kyoko, why did you bring me here?" He sat down and smiled at her.

"Why? Well, I guess I just wanted to talk to you... you are a very smart and handsome boy, I would love to get to know you better." She stayed calm, and didn’t show that she was lying.

"I’m honoured, I’ve always admired you Kyoko."

"Thank you. Do you have any plans right now, or can we stay here?"

"I’m free all afternoon."

They talked for a while, and Kirigiri decided it was time to ask the questions she’d been meaning to. "So, do you have a girlfriend?"

"No, unless you want to be." Kirigiri was taken aback. Not only was he lying through his teeth, he was hitting on her too?

She smiled and ignored his suggestion. "I apologise, I thought you were dating Kaede."

"I was, but we broke up recently." Lies.

"Maki?"

"We’re just good friends." Lies.

"Iruma?"

"We went on a date a while back, but it didn’t work out." Lies.

"Angie?"

"Atua says I’m not the right guy for her."

"Tenko?"

"She wouldn’t date a guy."

"Himiko?"

"We’re friends. Nothing more."

"Kirumi?"

"She treats everyone the same. She would refuse to go out with anyone."

"Tsumugi?"

"You are rather curious about my love life, how about you go out with me instead?"

"I would rather not, I’m already taken. I’ve kept you waiting long enough, you are free to go."

"Thank you. I am sorry for my suggestion, could you just forget about it?" He left quickly.

 

"Did you get all that Mukuro?"

"Yes I did." The dark haired girl emerged from the shadows holding a tape recorder. "Are you going to show this to Kaede?"

"It won’t prove that he is cheating, but it will prove he would. I’ll give it to her tomorrow."

"Oh please don’t! It would ruin the fun!" Ouma entered the lab. Strange, Kirigiri thought she’d locked it. He was followed by Maki, who looked like she wanted to murder someone.

"So you want me to deceive Kaede? I don’t think so."

"But Kirigiri, don’t you want definitive proof? That Saihara is dating 8 girls at once?"

"8? That is more than expected. Are you saying you have this proof?"

"I don’t have it right now, but I assure you, by Monday everyone will know the truth! That’s not a lie either. So please don’t tell her until then!"

"Is that so?"

"It’s the truth. So please can we have a copy of your conversation? Or come to our classroom with it Monday morning?" Maki spoke up. Kirigiri knew that if she was in agreement with Ouma, it must be serious.

"Alright. Mukuro, can you handle that?"

"I can."

"Well, I promise we won’t tell Kaede, or anyone, until Monday. I look forward to it."

Kirigiri decided to text Kaede like she’d promised, but had to choose her words carefully. She didn’t think want to outright lie, but she wasn’t going to tell the full truth either.

 

Kirigiri: Hello Kaede. I talked to Saihara, you don’t have anything to worry about right now. He did seem suspicious of some of my questions, so I didn’t go too far. Would you like me to try again another time?

Kaede: No, it’s fine! Thank you, I feel much better!

Kirigiri: You’re welcome.

 

Meanwhile, Saihara headed out of the school building, towards Kaede's dormitory. He made sure no one saw him enter.

"Hello. How are you?" Despite the fact they were staying inside, Kaede was wearing her favourite casual clothes. She was also looking much happier than she had earlier.

"I’m fine, Kirigiri is nice company. But I’d rather spend time with you."

"That’s the cheesiest thing I’ve heard all day. Do you want to watch Netflix?"

"Of course, what shows are there?" Saihara sat down on the bed next to her, but not too close. They watched a romcom for a while, and whilst Saihara was absorbed in the show, Kaede took a picture. He noticed and blushed.

"Really?"

"Yep! I want a memory of our time together."

Little did they know, that time would be over soon.

"Hey, it’s a little cold in here."

"Oh, do you want me to get a blanket from my room?"

"Not exactly, isn’t there some other way you could warm me up?"

"Well... how about this?" Saihara put an arm around her, and she hugged back.

"That’s perfect." They stayed cuddled up to watch the rest of the episode.

Saihara left the dorms a few hours later, promising they’d continue watching next time. Kaede suggested he could stay over for the night, but he refused. He kissed her goodbye and went back to his dorm.

 

Kaede: aaaaaaaaa Kirigiri is so serious when she texts

Kaede: I didn’t know got to respond without seeming informal

Iruma: AH KYOKO! THE FUCKING NEPOTISM BITCH

Tsumugi: Thats a little uncalled for...

Kirumi: She is a very good detective, she deserves her talent, relation to the headmaster or not.

Kaede: I agree

Himiko: I don’t really know her...

Himiko: Nyeh, she can't be better than Saihara?

Kirumi: With no offence to him, I believe she is better. She does have more experience after all.

Iruma: LOLOLOL I BET SAIHARA IS A BETTER FUCK

Tsumugi: Is your caps lock stuck again?

Kaede: Please Don’t talk about him like that

Iruma: AND WHY SHOULDN'T I???

Kaede: It’s rude.

Kaede: Besides, he may be dating one of us

Kaede: They would feel uncomfortable hearing you say that

Iruma: WELL IF HE IS DATING SOMEONE I PROMISE ON MONDAY I WILL BOW DOWN IN FRONT OF HER AND KISS HER FEET

Kaede: That’s not necessary

Iruma: MARK MY WORDS. MONDAY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I feel this is more about Kirigiri than it is about Kaede, but whatever.


	4. Tsumugi Shirogane

Tsugumi was curious, everyone was dating a guy in their year. She considered all the possible ships in her head, hoping to make predictions. 

"So, I’m dating Saihara. That leaves 7 guys. Hmm, Tenko. She’s never thought of Kiibo as a degenerate, and I can’t see who else she’d like. Maybe Gonta? Who would hate him? No, but she likes cute people, like Himiko, so it’s gotta be Kiibo. Ah, one person in and I’m already confused. But I know that Kaito has to be dating Maki. Otherwise he’d get in trouble for flirting with her. Ouma is also a problem, maybe Angie or Himiko. I can’t think of anyone else that could put up with him. Kaede is close with Amami. Wait, who’s left?"

She wrote these thoughts down on a piece of paper.

"Korekiyo And Hoshi? They’ll be more problems. Himiko, Angie, Iruma, Kirumi. Wouldn’t it be weird if Gonta and Iruma were dating? They’re like opposites. Oh. I ship it now. Ah! I have a solution now!" She finished her chart and admired it. If she was right, it’d be great.

Amami - Kaede  
Gonta - Iruma  
Hoshi - Kirumi  
Kaito - Maki  
Kiibo - Tenko  
Korekiyo - Angie  
Ouma - Himiko  
Saihara - Tsumugi

"Perfect!"

"What are you doing?" Saihara entered the classroom. It was after school, and the others had left. She had asked him on a date, and he wanted to make sure no one saw them together, so he had hidden on the third floor for a while, claiming he was helping Celes in the rec room. He hoped they’d never talk about this, or he’d be caught.

"I was uh..." He had already seen the list, but she didn’t want to reveal what was happening on Monday. "I was thinking, what if everyone in the year was dating? These are the pairing I’d have." 

"Really? Tenko and Kiibo?" Saihara read it carefully, some made some sense, but he knew who all these girls were actually dating.

"Well, I’d actually make it Tenko and Himiko, Kaede and Iruma, Ouma and Amami, Kiibo and Gonta. This is just if they were all hetero normies. Did you know Tenko actually has a boyfriend?"

"Really?" He did know. And he thought that it made some sense, but in reality, none of those guys were getting any girlfriends, he had made sure of that.

"Really. It messed up my ship list though..."

"I really think you should keep that shipping to fiction."

"Yeah, I guess it’s wrong. Maybe I’ll create my own story, then I can ship whoever I want!"  
"I look forward to it. Shall we go?"

"Of course, there’s a new maid cafe in town. I want to see the cute outfits."

As they left the school they ran into Ouma. "Hey Saihara! You going on a date? Lucky lady."  
"Ouma... I- uh-" Saihara hadn’t realised he was still around. Ouma was the last person he wanted to know about their relationship.

"Come on Saihara."

Ouma watched them walk away, and felt a little jealous. But it was nice to see him so flustered at being called out. "Hey Saihara, come to my room later! I want to tell you something."

"Alright..."

 

"Ah, look at those outfits. This place is wonderful!" Tsumugi looked like a kid at Christmas. She whipped out her camera and asked if she could take photos. She convinced Saihara to take a selfie with her. "What do you think?"

"They are... nice."

"Oh? Is this not your idea of fun?"

"I mean, I don’t want to make you jealous or anything. The costumes are nice, but I’m sure they’d look even better on you."

"Thanks... maybe I could make on of my own. Then I’d be like Kirumi."

"Is there some maid character you want to cosplay? Um, what’s the name? Rem? I’ve heard of her." A waitress arrived, Saihara ordered a tea, and Tsumugi ordered an omelette.

"Ah from Re:zero, yes that was quite a popular show, but how about this concept: I am the student council president, with a reputation-"

"But you’re not the student council president. That’s Ish-"

"Hey, this isn’t something that would happen in real life. Let me continue. So, suddenly, you find out that I work in a maid cafe. Then we fall in love, the end." 

"Ah, I think I understand. Actually no I don’t, what does your job have to do with anything?"

"Oh Saihara, you really don’t get it."

"Not really. What anime is that from?"

"It’s from- ah thank you." Their orders arrived and they started to eat. Tsumugi spaced out for a while, which Saihara was used to, so he didn’t do anything.

 

"Can we go to the crafts store later? I have an idea."

"Alright."

Once they had paid, they went to the shop. Tsumugi looked around for her materials, whilst Saihara picked up some threads.

"What are those for?"

"Ah, well... I ripped some of my clothes, and I’m going to sew them back up."

"Do you want me to help?"

"No, I can do it myself."

"You can sew? That’s cool, maybe you could help with my cosplay one day."

"Oh, no. I’m not good at it, you’d be much better and quicker."

"Ah well, maybe one day we could wear matching cosplays! That would look so good on you... we could go as my otp.!"

"I look forward to it."

"Well, it’s getting late, we should return." They arrived back at the campus and Saihara waved goodbye, looking at all the windows to make sure no one saw them.

Saihara remembered to go to Ouma's room. Luckily they were both guys, so it wouldn’t look that suspicious to be seen together, despite their secret relationship.

They talked for a while, and everything seemed fine.

But what Saihara hadn’t noticed was the tape recorder.

 

Tsumugi: I have been doing some thinking.

Angie: ???

Tsumugi: Everyone has a boyfriend.

Tsumugi: So every boy has a girlfriend.

Maki: ...

Tsumugi: And I have been trying to figure out who is dating who.

Angie: !!!

Tsumugi: I have come to a conclusion.

Maki: Which is?

Tsumugi: You’ll see on Monday. 

Tsumugi: I want you to be surprised at who I’m dating too.

Maki: I can guess who everyones' dating too

Maki:I think I’ll be more accurate than you

Angie: !!!

Tsumugi: Really? I am the 

Tsumugi: Master

Tsumugi: Of

Tsumugi: shipping

Tsumugi: I think

Tsumugi: I’ll 

Iruma: CAN YOU STOP TEXTING ONE WORD AT A TIME I DO NOT NEED THIS MANY NOTIFICATIONS ITS 3 IN THE FUCKING MORNING

Tsumugi: I think I’ll be better than you. Want to make a bet?

Maki: I guess...

Tsumugi: Write down your list and put it in your desk. We'll see on Monday

Iruma: LOSER GETS A PUNISHMENT GAME

Iruma: BECOMES THE OTHER PERSON'S SLAVE FOR A WEEK

Tsumugi: I accept!

Maki: Sure 

Kaede: Another bet? We don’t need that.

Himiko: Hey, can you be a little quieter? Some people like their sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda think that I’m a bit ooc for this one. I’m not really sure how to do Tsumugi, so I hope this works.  
> I’m case you didn’t see, I went back and completely redid the first chapter, so check it out I guess.


	5. Tenko Chabashira

"Good morning Saihara!" Tenko slapped him on the back, causing him to almost fall over, as he left... Ouma's room in the morning. "So, What were you doing in there?" 

"Well, uh, he knocked on my door at ridiculous o’clock and said that he wanted to talk. And then we were talking. I’m not even sure what he was trying to say, it was probably all lies." There was no way he wanted to admit what they were actually doing.

"I don’t trust him, he’s nothing but a degenerate. You’re the only male I can trust here."

"Really? Thanks, I guess, but I think you should be less harsh. Gonta and Kiibo are nice, aren’t they?"

"Maybe I’ll get to know them better sometime, but for today, let’s go on a date!" Saihara panicked a little, people might be able to hear them from their rooms. Then he remembered they were soundproof, thank goodness.

"Yeah, that would be nice. Where do you want to go?"

"I’d love to just walk around town, maybe go shopping. I’m going to be sparring with some other girls after class though, so we can’t leave immediately."

"That’s fine." It was more than fine, it was perfect. This meant they were less likely to be caught. "I’ll be in the library, come find me when you’re finished."

"Alright! I’ll see you then!" Tenko smiled and headed towards the dining hall. Saihara followed, and he went to talk to some of the guys. He was a little suspicious, so many people were asking him on dates in one week, but it was probably nothing, right?

 

Meanwhile Kaede stepped out of her room and stood in the corridor, slightly sobbing. She had cracked open her door and heard everything. She had been right, he was cheating on her. And with Tenko, no less. She thought back to Tuesday. Maybe he was three timing with Angie as well. She decided to confront him immediately, and was on her way to the dining hall when Ouma put an arm on her shoulder.

"Hey, wait." 

"Ouma, did you know about this? Is this what this picture thing was all about?" She was furious at both of them now, how could he hide something like this?

"And if I did? Please Kaede, you should know me by now. You wouldn’t believe me without proof, right? This challenge is to gather the proof."

"Oh really. Imagine how it must feel for us then, to find out our boyfriend is cheating."

"I already know how it feels, don’t doubt me. I also decided that you should know to. I assure you, the longer you’re kept in the dark the more painful it is."

"Do you expect me to go on as normal for the next few days, I want it to end as soon as possible."

"Kaede." Maki walked towards them, seemingly out of nowhere. "I was as angry as you are, maybe even more. But trust me, it will hurt him a lot more if we are patient until Monday."

"Maki? You too?"

"In total there are eight girls. We all need to face him together, and make him know he is done for. Don’t you agree?"

"... sure, I’ll wait. But I’m going back to my room, if I’m not there tell Miss that I’m not feeling well." She weakly waved goodbye before returning to her room, and crying into her pillow. Did Saihara care that little that he would date eight people at once?

 

Saihara was unaware of any of this, and waited in the library. Luckily, only two people were there, and he doubted either of them would care about his relationship status. He was right, when Tenko showed up neither of them even gave a passing glance. 

"So where to first?" 

"I’m not sure really, let’s just walk around for a while!"

They walked past a clothes store, and Saihara noticed a light blue dress in the window. Tenko cast a glance, then quickly turned away.

"Hey, I think that would look nice on you."

"Huh? Really?"

"Yeah, it’s really cute, just like you." 

Tenko blushed. "T-thank you. I will try it!"

She came out of the changing room a couple of minutes later. "So, what do you think?"  
"You look great Tenko, you should get it."

"Really? But it’s kinda expensive."

"Don’t worry, I can pay for it."

"No, I can’t let you-"

"Tenko, please. It’s beautiful."

"Fine, but let me pay for, uh..."

"Starbucks maybe? I’m getting thirsty." 

Tenko nodded. "But let me do something else first!" She ran up to him and took a photo. "You’re right, this dress is nice."

Saihara thought nothing of the photo, he was probably just being paranoid. They went to a cafe later. Tenko wanted to go to the maid cafe, apparently Tsumugi had recommended it. Saihara quickly rejected this idea in case one of the maids recognised him. They went to Starbucks instead.

"Tenko, can I ask you something?"

"Go for it."

"Why did you agree to go out with me? I was sure you’d turn me down."

"Well to be honest, you were the first male friend I’ve ever had. Ive always been a little scared of men, but you were willing to give me a chance, despite how harsh I was. So I actually got to know you, and I found out you’re a really nice guy. I was shocked when you asked me out, but aren’t girls meant to date the guy they like the most? I think this feeling is love."

"Listen, I think you might be confusing friendship for love, seeing as you’ve never been so close to a guy before. I don’t want to break up with you, but I don’t want you to be in a relationship if you aren’t truly happy with it."

"You may be right. But I feel this is right, and I don’t want to break up either."

"I’m glad, but please tell me if anything is wrong."

They returned to school and Saihara could finally relax. The weekend was here, and most people would be going out on trips, so he wouldn’t get caught if anyone else wanted a date. Thank goodness.

 

Kirumi: Kaede are you alright? You didn’t look well in class.

Kaede: I’m fine

Kirumi: It didn’t look that way to me. Is there any way I can help?

Kaede: Thanks, But it’s probably just tiredness, sorry for worrying about you.

Iruma: THANK GOODNESS ITS FRIDAY

Kirumi: Don't apologise, make sure you get a good night's sleep.

Iruma: You will not believe what I’m going to do with my boy tomorrow!

Iruma: We are going to a motherfucking theme park!

Kaede: That sounds fun...

Iruma: I assure you, my photo will be the absolute best! Mark my words!

Angie: I hope you have fun! Atua says you are going to have a good time!

Iruma: I don’t need your god to tell me that, I know it’s going to be effing amazing!

Iruma: And do you know what we’re doing

Iruma: AFTER the date?

Maki: Let’s not talk about that.

Kirumi: Agreed.

Tsumugi: At least her caps lock isn’t stuck again.

Iruma: SHUT UP ABOUT MY CAPS I CAN TEXT HOW I LIKE

Himiko: Do we really have to go on a date...

Himiko: I don’t wanna...

Tenko: Come on Himiko, it’ll be so much fun! I even got a nice gift.

Kaede: A gift? Sounds nice, what was it.

Tenko: This dress, I didn’t want him to pay for me, but he did...

Angie: Lucky you!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t believe I wrote a Tenko x male thing. Wow. I would like to apologise, out of all the Saihara ships in existence, this is the only one I don’t like.


	6. Miu Iruma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miu takes Saihara to a theme park, and they have a pretty good time.

"Oi! Get out here!" Iruma pounded on Saihara's door in the morning, annoyed at the lack of response.

Eventually he opened his door, yawning. "How ca- Iruma?" He hid behind the door to hide what he was wearing. "It’s so early."

"Hey Saihara! Can I come in? Let’s spend all day together!"

"Iruma? I-" Given the girl's foul mind, there was only one reason she would be here, right? "It’s a little early isn’t it?"

"Well, we’ve got to make the most of our time together, duh." She pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket. It seemed to be a plan for their day. Saihara gulped, he wasn’t ready for this. "I hope you like rollercoasters."

"Well I- Wait, what sort of innuendo is that?"

Iruma started at him for a few seconds than began to laugh. "Oh my god, you actually thought I was coming here to fuck? Weren’t you listening yesterday, we're going to a theme park."

"Uh, but we didn’t talk yesterday. Did you really tell me?"

"Huh? Of- oh right, I told the girls, not you. Whatever, let’s go!" She grabbed his arm and started to pull him outside, but was stopped.

"Hey, can I at least get dressed first?" She turned and looked at him again, and saw he was still wearing his dark blue pyjamas. She blushed and nodded, letting go of his arm.

"Be quick alright?" 

 

About five minutes later, Saihara emerged from his room in casual clothes. Iruma looked at him, and thought he was rather cute, maybe they could do it later. "Alright then, let’s hurry!"

She had got her drivers license a few months prior, and she drove them the hour or two to the park. Along the way, they stopped once for fuel, during which time Saihara bought some popcorn, which he ate whilst watching the in-drive movie that Miu had set up. He thought the car was really comfy, as expected of one built by the ultimate inventor, with help from a certain mechanic. The only problem was the number plate...

"Do you ever get pulled over?"

"Huh? Oh, occasionally. But all I need to do is flash em my-"

"Miu..."

"License! I was going to say license. Geez Saihara, you really have a dirty mind, don’t you? And yeah, some people seem to think this ain’t a real car, but they’re always wrong. This is 100% legal, trust me!"

"That’s good to hear."

"Yeah, Souda wanted to make it super fancy, wanting to impress that royal chick. But I wanted to have fun with it, so we eventually decided to make two separate cars. At least this way we don’t hafta share. God, I don’t even know what weird shit he’d do in this."

"I’m sure it wouldn’t be that bad..."

"Two words Saihara. Tank. Fetish." Saihara didn’t particularly want an explanation, so he didn’t question further.

 

When they arrived, Iruma quickly bought the fast-track tickets, and rushed in. “So, what do you want to go on first? There’s Plummet-of-Doom, Spiral-of-Hell, the Mono-coaster.”

“Uh…” He wasn’t a huge fan of huge rides, so decided to go with the one that didn’t sound like it was going to kill him. “The Mono-coaster sounds good.” Iruma agreed, and they headed off.

To his disappointment, it was the highest ride in the park, that also happened to have the most loops. He didn’t want to go on it, but seeing Iruma’s excited face changed his mind, and they went through. He would just have to find his courage.

About 5 seconds in, he changed his mind. He remembered something Kaede had said - when she was scared she would just sing to distract herself. He was too self conscious to do that out loud, so he just played some music in his head - or at least tried to.

“Hell yeah!” Iruma’s screams brought him, and his fears back. He screamed as well, making a less than impressive face as the camera went off. For some reason, Iruma wanted a keychain of it, which was accompanied by the code for the digital photo. Saihara asked her not to show anyone, pretending that it was because he hated the face he was making. She agreed, for now.

“Do you mind if we go on something a little… more gentle?” He asked, thinking that if he went on something like that again, he’d be sick. 

“Sure sure, like what? Pretty much everything here is more fucking gentle than that.” He grabbed the map, and searched for something. 

“How about the carousel?” It had been years since he’d been on one of those, and it gave him a certain sense of nostalgia. 

“Really? Sure.” They went over, and rode it a couple of times. Iruma was a little embarrassed, as they were the oldest people there, but decided it was a good thing.

They tried to go on every ride, but some of the queues were too long and they had to go home at closing time. The ride was mostly peaceful, and when they got back to school, Saihara said goodbye.

“Thanks Iruma, today has been great.”

“Are you sure you wanna end it here? We could go to my room and-” She was cut off by Saihara kissing her on the cheek.

“Maybe next time, alright?” He ran off quickly, waving goodbye and leaving Iruma a blushing mess.

 

Iruma: Done! In the effing bag!

Tsumugi: Congratulations.

Iruma: Best date ever

Iruma: Theme parks rule

Himiko: This is weird…

Himiko: Shouldn’t she be making a sex joke right now?

Himiko: Something like: The best parts were where we got all wet~ on the log flumes.

Tenko: Himiko? What are you sayinh?

Tenko: *saying

Iruma: Nah. 

Kirumi: Oh, I’d forgotten all about the challenge.

Tsumugi: Well there’s always tomorrow…

Himiko : I think I might skip this. I don’t wanna go on a date.

Tenko: Himiko!

Himiko: What? 

Tenko: I won a couple of free tickets to the zoo. You can have those!

Himiko: … 

Himiko: The zoo… how old do you think I am?

Kirumi: I hear there are some tiger cubs there.

Himiko: Like my familiar? I guess I could go…

Tenko: I’ll get them to you asap!

Iruma: How cute.

Tsumugi: Iruma… are you alright?

Iruma: What the fuck are you talking about? I’m not just fine, I’m fucking perfect!

Tsumugi: Ah, just checking.

Angie: So what are you goona do Kirumi???

Angie: Tell me

Kirumi: I’m not expecting a lot, I would be satisfied by just a walk in the park.

Angie: ooooo, sounds nice

 

"Come on girls, put some effort into it!" 

"What does entering the classroom have to do with anything? This is a waste of time..."

"Hey! Don't be so rude. I'm gonna cry because Maki is being so mean... Waaah! Kaede, help me!"

"Ouma..."

"I was lying! I'm not mad at all. But our entrance does matter, we have to do it super dramatically! Strike fear into his heart!"

Maki sighed. "If I do it again, you have to tell me the real reason for all this."

"Alright, if you insist... this is gonna be the whole truth, alright? Listen closely..." and he explained, leaving both girls in shock. "Okie-dokie, now for attempt 14!"


	7. Himiko Yumeno

Himiko had been given the zoo tickets by Tenko, and headed to Saihara’s room. She still wasn’t sure about this, maybe she should just go to sleep and ignore Ouma… but everyone else seemed to have enjoyed their dates, so she’d be sure to have a good time, right?

Himiko knocked on the door and yawned. Sundays were not meant for waking up. Kaede smiled as she walked past, but Himiko saw through it. She wondered what was troubling the pianist, but now wasn’t the time to ask. All that mattered was that she got this over with. 

The zoo… despite her protests she was really excited. She really loved animals - well at least the cute ones, not bugs. When she felt like it, she loved to learn about the role of animals in mythology and magic. Luckily, there was a certain animal breeder in the school who specialised in that exact combination. Occasionally Korekiyo would give her a lecture on the subject as well. She didn’t have any pets of her own, but was rather fond of a stray cat she sometimes saw around campus. Black with a single white hair - a good omen. 

The door opened, snapping her out of it. “Hello.” She opened. What to say next? Good morning? How are you? Or should she just jump straight to the point. Yeah, that would be good. “Let’s go on a date.” He looked shocked, not without reason of course. When was the last time she’d been the one to ask him out?

“Really? Well of course, where do you want to go?” He was exhausted after his day with Miu, and now this? He couldn’t say he didn’t have suspicions. 7 girls asking him out in one week? Now he just needed Kirumi and the other one and he’d have a full set. Wait, technically he had kinda been on a date with the other one.

“I have tickets to the zoo. How does that sound.” It sounded bad… he had seen Tenko rush off last night, and when she returned she said she was buying tickets to the zoo. For today. He didn’t want to flat-out deny Himiko without a reason, but if they went there’d be a danger of being spotted. And Tenko was one person he didn’t want to piss off.

“The zoo huh? I bet it’d be crowded at the weekend… ah, but it does sound fun.” He hoped his hesitation would be enough to get Himiko to back down, but she was strangely determined today.

“Yeah… and I don’t want to waste the tickets that Tenko gave me. So shall we go?” Ah, that was slightly reassuring.

 

At the zoo, Himiko dragged them straight to the wild cats. “Hey, look at that one!” It was a tiger cub. “Looks just like my familiar…” 

“Ah, yes. Why don’t you tell me about your familiar. I’m interested.” He was still a little tired, and thought that a lecture would be a good excuse for them to just sit down and talk for a bit. 

“Of course! Now, first you have to know what familiars are exactly. Do you have any idea?”

 

“I guess… they’re like pets? Magical pets.”

“Well, that’s one way to put it. But familiars are more than that. My tiger is a magical tiger, so you won’t be able to meet her, unless you’re also a mage. Which you aren’t, I can tell by your aura. But they are more than pets, they are true friends, and she can teach me a lot. My familiar is also inte- integal- integral for my communication with spirits, which is very important for my magic.” She nodded. And Saihara got a text.

“Ah sorry, just a second.” He looked at the sender. This couldn’t be another date, right?

 

Kirumi: Hello Saihara.

Saihara: Hello

Kirumi: I was wondering if you were free right now. I would like to go on a date with you.

Saihara: Sorry, I’m busy right now. Maybe later?

Kirumi: Alright, please tell me when you are ready. Sorry to disturb you. 

Saihara: It’s alright. Talk later.

 

And it was. Saihara quickly put his phone away, for fear Himiko would see. “Ah, just work. That can wait until tomorrow. So, what sorts of spirits do you contact?”

“Well, all mages need good spirits to help them, but I have had a few nasty run ins with male- malevolent spirits. I met Siggy when I was dealing with a particularly nasty imp. He-”

“Sorry, who is Siggy again?”

“Ah, that’s the name of my familiar. Well, her full name is Naomi Artemis Jasmine Shere Siegfried the Third, but she prefers Siggy. It’s less of a mouthful as well.” Saihara was sure he’d found a reference or two in there, but maybe it was a coincidence…

“That’s a nice name.”

“Yeah, it’s really majestic, isn’t it? So anyway, I came across this imp, who was controlling Siggy. Now, she’s an extremely wise animal, but even the strongest can fall into a spirit’s trap. Especially one so young. But I was prepared, and I fought the imp off.” She stood up and started mock fighting, acting everything out, whilst continuing to explain. Saihara was surprised she had so much energy, or maybe it was just because she was talking about magic. 

A few young children were watching her now, and they seemed to be enjoying her story. “And then I was like whoosh and got rid of him. Now, I have taken a vow never to kill any spirit, no matter how evil they are, so I just banished him for 1,000 years. That ought to keep him.”

“And Siggy?”

“Well, after I’d rescued her, she asked me to stay with her until we could find her family. The adventure was long and hard, and we traversed many mountains and deserts, and we fought bravely together, but finally we found them. I was sad that our time together was over, but then… she said she would like to become my familiar!”

“That’s wonderful.” Despite knowing it was all nonsense, he felt strangely happy with this conclusion. 

“I think that’s enough for one day. Let’s go get something to eat, I’m getting tired…” And back to normal… 

As they were walking to a nice looking place, one of the children came up to Himiko. “Excuse me, was that story true? Are you a real mage?”

“Of course I am. Watch this.” And she performed a simple card trick, Saihara could tell exactly how it was done. But the child’s face lit up. 

“Amazing! Thank you Miss!” And he ran off again. 

“Hmm…” Himiko didn’t speak, but Saihara could tell she was happy. Putting a smile on other people’s faces seemed to be a thing she was good at, and Saihara wasn’t going to take that away from her. Even if she was a bit delusional at times, it was still nice.

“Oh right…” She took a photo of the two of them. She’d almost forgotten.

 

A few hours, and a lot of animals later, they headed back. Himiko left for her room, and Saihara took out his phone. Time for round 2.

Saihara: Sorry for the wait. Where do you want to meet?

Kirumi: I’m just returning from one of my client’s houses. Shall we meet in the park, the same one where we went on our first date?

Saihara: That sounds lovely, I’ll see you there.

He quickly ran to his room to grab something, a little gift he’d got the other day. Then he headed out.

 

Tenko: Himiko? 

Tenko: Are you back from the zoo yet?

Himiko: I am. Thank yo for the tickets

Himiko: *you

Kaede: Is that everyone done now?

Kirumi: I haven’t been on a date yet.

Iruma: youre cutting it a bit fucking fine arent you

Tsumugi: My head hurts

Kirumi: I barely get any free time. I apologise.

Tsumugi: from the lack of apostrophes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guess who actually did some research for this? I hope I wasn't too boring with the magic talk, but it is interesting to me.


	8. Kirumi Tojo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final date.

Saihara practically sprinted over to the local park, hoping to scout the area for witnesses before Kirumi arrived. The sky was getting dark, and the street lights were coming on, but in the park it was peaceful, and no one in sight. Perfect.

Saihara thought over the events of the past week. 9 dates on 7 days, this was a new record for him. And they’d all insisted on taking photographs. Now, for people like Kaede or that person, this wouldn’t seem odd. But Maki taking a photo? Himiko being the one to initiate a date? Had they found out? No, of course not. If they’d found out then Maki and Tenko would have killed him by now. This was surely a coincidence.

But if they did find out, it would be his own stupid fault. He was the one dating 9 people after all, and none of them had a clue. Now to figure out if he could get some more. Kyoko had shot him down, but there was always hope for other upperclassmen, or some of the guys. He laughed a little, thinking about how wonderful it’d be to be dating the entire class at once. Who should he go for? 

He thought about why he’d chosen to do this, the cheating. Well if he was honest, there was no reasonable answer. He was complete scum for this, there’s no excuse for doing this and hurting all of them. 

But if he had to say - he wanted to know he could do it. He’d investigated cases of adultery before, and he thought they were all idiots. And somehow he thought he could do better. And it wasn’t going too badly. He’d started dating the first two about 6 months ago, and he hadn’t been caught. Trust him, he’d know if that person had found out. 

But whatever, he’d gone this far, why stop now? 

 

Saihara noticed Kirumi sitting on a bench overlooking the fountain, and wandered over. “Sorry to keep you waiting dear.” 

“It’s alright. I only just got here myself.” She smiled at him.

“Oh, right. I got you these. I hope they’re the right ones.” He pulled a small wrapped gift out of his pocket. 

“There was no ne-” She said as she unwrapped the gift. “Oh, you remembered? Thank you, these are perfect.” It was the threads he’d bought whilst on his date with Tsumugi. It was good to be efficient.

“You’re welcome.”

“How much do I owe you for these?”

“Hey, it’s a gift, don’t worry about it.” He sat down next to her. “But if you insist, you can repay me by letting me do this.” He laid down, so that he could rest his head on her lap. She was a little shocked, but smiled.

“Of course you may. Any time you want to do this, I’ll let you.” She stroked his hair, it was lovely and smooth today. “How has your week been?”

“It’s been a little exhausting. Every day I’ve been so busy, whether it’s helping an upperclassman, or working on a case. It’s nice that we can just relax now.”

“Yes, it really is.” She watched the fountain, it was so peaceful here, a nice break from her duties. Whilst she enjoyed helping others, and would never want to day off, some clients could be rather… draining to say the least. And she’d had to make some tough choices this week. The prime minister was starting to rely on her too much. And that was a huge problem.

“How was your week dear?”

“Oh, just the usual. Nothing special.” She lied, not wanting to worry Saihara. She ran her fingers through his hair, and took this opportunity to take a photo of the two of them without him noticing.

“Hey Kirumi, is there anything you need?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re always working so hard, it’s what I admired you for. But it’s impossible you can do so much without getting stressed. You know you can always talk to me if you want, if there’s anything worrying you.” 

“Thank you, but I’ll be fine. How about you? Are you worried about anything?”

Well yes, he was worried about his 9 partners finding out about each other, and the consequences of that. But of course he wouldn’t say that. “No, I’m fine.” 

 

“Hey, do you want to get coffee somewhere?” After a while, Saihara sat up again. 

“That sounds lovely.” She fished in her bag for her purse, before he spoke up again.

“No, I’ll pay for it.” He stood up and offered her a hand.

“As you wish.” Saihara smiled, and they walked together to the nearest coffee shop. They took their orders and left, making pleasant conversation as they walked back to the dorms. 

“S-saihara?” He paused, wondering if something was wrong. “Forgive me if this is too sudden, but would you like to spend the night in my room?” 

Oh. Wait what? He’d never expected this, maybe his detective skills were slipping away. Now he had to make a choice - look incredibly suspicious to anyone who saw them, or let Kirumi down and possibly hurt her feelings. 

“Kirumi I… I would like to, but I don’t think it should be tonight.” He tried to read her expression, seeing if she was annoyed, or sad. “I’ve had an exhausting week, plus there’s school tomorrow. So I’m sorry.”

“Ah, I see. This isn’t really the sort of thing to suddenly spring on someone…”

“Sorry.” 

“Please don’t apologise.” 

It was a little awkward from then on, and Kirumi went on ahead once they’d reached the campus. That was good for Saihara. He waved goodbye. “I love you.” Before heading off himself.

 

Ouma: Are you all done yet?

Miu: OUMA HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET INTO THIS GROUP CHAT

Ouma: Makiroll added me!

Maki: …

Tsumugi: Well that’s got to be a lie…

Miu: Yeah, at least accuse someone believable

Miu: Like Angie.

Angie: Atua tells me he’s telling the truth

Ouma: SEE! Jeez y’all always think I lie? 

Miu: Well no shit

Ouma: 1 VV45/\/’7 |_¥1/V6

Miu: My fuxking eyes are bleedign

Tsumugi: *several people are typing*

Kaede: Wait, what did he just say?

Ouma: | ||

Miu: DONT YOU FUcKINg

Ouma: || |_

Tsumugi: He said ‘I wasn’t lying’

Himiko: I’m impressed you could read that…

Tsumugi: normies

Ouma: Have you all got a photo?

Kaede: All except Kirumi I believe.

Kirumi: No, I’ve got one now.

Ouma: K good.

Ouma: bai

Miu: good riddance

Himiko: Well that was weird

Maki: Hmm…

Kaede: I can’t wait to see what happens tomorrow.

Tsumugi: Me neither!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh damn, this is drawing to a close now, isn't it? I hope anyone reading this far has enjoyed it.


	9. Monday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My history teacher: Nothing scandalous ever happened on a Monday.

Everyone walked into class on Monday morning. Some of the girls smiled at each other, ready to get the challenge over with. They were a little surprised to see Kirigiri and Mukuro sitting at the back of the classroom, but they offered no explanation. Saihara sat down at his desk, saying good morning to those around him, oblivious to what had been happening last week. He was just tired.

"Good morning fellow students!" Ouma burst into the classroom, disruptive as ever. He stood at the front of the class, Kaede and Maki following him in and standing either side of him, holding their phones, nearly making a symmetrical image.

"Ooo, that’s pretty cool! How many attempts did it take to get that choreography 40?"

"You underestimate us Angie, it only took 26. Now, as all the girls are aware, i have set a challenge!" 

"Huh?" Saihara, and all the boys, were confused. What was going on?

"Hey! Before we get this over with, there are two fucking bets we have to settle!"

"Miu, I told you we don’t have to do either of them."

"Yes we fucking do! Y’all agreed to do 'em before, you scared of this gorgeous genius?" The girls mumbled for a bit, but eventually decided the bets would go ahead.

"Hey, stop stealing the show. Now, the challenge was, take a picture with your boyfriend!" Saihara's eyes widened, that explained so much. "And now, we’re going to post them in the year group chat!" Ouma smirked. "Don’t you think that’s a great idea, Saihara~"

Saihara looked around the room. If he ran now it’d look suspicious. He’d survived up until now, he couldn’t let Ouma give the game away now. If worst came to worst, he could leave through the back door. 

But for now he’d challenge this suggestion. "It sounds... strange. I'm sure you must have some ulterior motive Ouma, and I don’t want you to somehow use my love life against me." How was that? Vague enough, yet convincing? It would have to do for now.

"Aww, do you doubt me that much? I swear it’s not a trick, it’s just a display of love."

The girls sitting down smiled, and Saihara realised there was no chance of fighting back... unless... He looked at Kaede, silently pleading with her to back him up, but she only glared back. He realised she knew, and his face fell. That escape route seemed really appealing right now, except for the fact Mukuro was now blocking it. Great.

 

"And the bets! First of all, I will bend down and kiss the feet of any girl who is dating Saihara!" Iruma let her voice be heard again. Saihara blushed and looked away, this was not good.

"And here’s my list for the second one." Tsumugi stood up and brought her piece of paper to the front of the room. Maki held up her own. "I look forward to making you my slave this week, don’t worry, I won’t be too harsh."

"I should say the same to you."

"Alright girls! It’s time!" Saihara wanted to do something, to yell, to oppose, but he lost his voice, and only waited for the inevitable. "3. 2. 1."

Tsumugi cast her eyes over Maki's list as she posted the photo. "Wh- what is this."

 

9 pictures were posted in the group chat:

Saihara and Maki in Starbucks drinking coffee, him with a surprised look on his face.

Saihara and Angie at the art gallery, smiling in front of her work. This was the most objectively beautiful of the pictures.

Saihara and Kaede sitting on her bed, him absorbed in a television show. 

Saihara and Tsumugi, posing with some maids. He seemed a little embarrassed, but happy.

Saihara and Tenko in a shop, her in a gorgeous dress. He looked a little shocked at the sudden photo.

Saihara and Iruma at a theme park, both screaming on a rollercoaster, arms around each other.

Saihara and Himiko looking at some tigers at the zoo, him looking a little nervous.

Saihara and Kirumi on a park bench, him lying in her lap. He seemed like he was almost asleep.

And one none of the girls were expecting. Saihara kissing Ouma in his room. This was the photo where Saihara looked the happiest.

 

Everyone looked at their phones, waiting to see who would show up. Unsurprisingly, they were a little confused to see Saihara 9 times, with 9 different people.

"What the fuck!"

"Hey, this has to be a mistake right? I’m the one dating Saihara."

"No, that’s me. I don’t know what you-"

"Nope, this is no mistake! He really is a dirty, good-for-nothing cheat!" Ouma smiled at the class, but at the same time tears were running down his face.

"He’s right." Kaede spoke up, "He lied to us. Unless you want to speak up?" 

All eyes turned to Saihara, who was looking like he wanted to be somewhere else right now. "I... It’s not true. There’s only one person I’m dating."

"And who’s that?"

"It’s..." He went ever his choices in his head, what could he say to avoid being killed? Tenko had already stood up, eyes full of rage. "They know who they are. I’m sorry, the others are just friends, they seem to have gotten the wrong idea."

"Saihara, a name."

"No." He stood up and started to walk out the back door. "I would never cheat, and I’m sorry if this has hurt you. Please, I’ll talk to you later, I just want to think about this for a while." 

 

Before anyone could see what happened, Mukuro had pinned him to the ground. "Is that so?"

"Alright Kirigiri! Take it away!" Before Saihara could ask, she pressed play on the tape recorder, and he heard his own voice coming back at him.

" "So, do you have a girlfriend?"

"No, unless you want to be." "

The girls looked around, he wanted to date Kirigiri too? Didn’t he already have enough? The recording continued, and they heard Saihara denying that he was a relationship with any of them, finishing with this line.

" "You are rather curious about my love life, how about you go out with me instead?" " 

"Saihara, you’re a dick." Mukuro released him, but blocked the door. "And as much as I'd love to kill you for hitting on my girlfriend, I’m sure there are several other people who deserve to do it more."

"Oi, there’s another recording, so you can’t deny you weren’t cheating!"

Saihara listened again, this time it was a recording from Thursday, when he was with Ouma.

" "Hey Saihara, you and Tsumugi, are you a dirty little cheat?"

"No way. Ouma you know, you’re the only one I love."

"Yay! He said he loves me! Oh, and..."

"Yes?"

"Will you stay with me tonight?"

"Of course I will." "

Kaede gasped, and Saihara knew he couldn’t deny it now.

He stood up and stared at the class. Most of the guys had moved out of the way, and he could see how all the girls were feeling. Himiko was starting to cry, Tsumugi was just frozen in shock, Kirumi had left the room.

"Fine. Fine, I was cheating. I was dating all nine of you at once, happy now?"

"No, we're not."

Maki was the first to approach him, with a murderous look in her eyes. "I’ve been waiting all week to do this." And she punched him in the gut.

"Gah!" Saihara stepped back, hardly able to stand. He barely had any time to recover before Tenko flipped him.

From here, Maki and Tenko continued their onslaught with Iruma's help, Angie occasionally poking him to make sure he was still alive. Kaede didn’t do or say anything, just watched it all.

Eventually, Saihara managed to get up and leave the room, Mukuro glaring as he left. However, as he entered the hallway, he came face to face with Kirumi, who had returned with a broom. 

"Please, I’m sorry, take me to the nurse's room."

"As a maid, it is my duty to serve others, but I will make an exception just this once." She hit him over the head with her broom, before entering the classroom again.

In the end, Gonta carried him to the infirmary, and gave him a stern warning about how gentleman should never hurt girls.

 

In the afternoon, Saihara didn’t turn up to class, and neither did most of the girls. Ouma decided they needed to talk.

Ouma: Hey.

Iruma: What do you want now? 

Iruma: Haven’t you done fucking enough already?

Maki: It’s not his fault.

Angie: Wow, Maki taking Ouma’s side, this is serious~

Kaede: You seem too casual about this Angie.

Angie: Atua said that boy would hurt me. It wasn’t a surprise.

Iruma: Ugh, can you just shut up!

Ouma: Stop. Enough fighting. Saihara is the only one we should be mad at.

Ouma: I suggest we all stop talking to him.

Himiko: But, why would he cheat? Am I not good enough?

Ouma: The first person he dated was me. If anyone’s not good enough it was me

Kaede: Ouma? How long has this been going on for?

Ouma: I was the first, and about a week after, he started dating Kaede too.

Maki: A week? 

Tsumugi: Does he really care that little...

Kaede: Why didn’t you tell me then?

Ouma: Well... I did...

Iruma: Wait so Kaede knew all this time??? And was fine with it???

Kaede: I don’t remember you saying that...

Ouma: As I have said ten thousand times, you never believe me! 

Maki: Have you heard of the boy that cried wolf?

Ouma: And also, he was also flirting with the others. I wanted to see how far he would go.

Iruma: And? Who was the next fucker he seduced?

Ouma: That would be you. Followed by: Himiko, Kirumi, Angie, Maki, Tsumugi and Tenko. I believe he may have even had a fling with some of the other guys

Kaede: I can’t believe it. You didn’t tell me you were dating him as well.

Ouma: Didn’t need to. There need to be some surprises right?

Kirumi: I suggest that we all cease contact with him. And Himiko, are you alright?

Himiko: Not really...

Kirumi: Do you need my assistance?

Himiko: Don’t worry about me

Himiko: Tenko has been with me

Kirumi: Well if anyone needs anything please ask.

Miu: I could use a fuckig drink

Kirumi: I will be there immediately. 

 

Maki: I’m going on a walk, I’ll talk later.

 

“Miu, please open the door.” Kirumi stood outside with a bottle. She knew Miu’s tastes, and this was what she needed right now.

“Hey fucker! How’s my favourite team mom?” She opened the door, with the same energy as always. Kirumi entered, gave her the bottle and sat down with her. She could see the tear tracks.

“Miu, is there anything I can do to help?”

“Nah, I’m doing great! Now I’m single I can go for whoever I want! That stupid virgin wouldn’t fuck me, but now I’m free!”

“Did you try to, um, invite him to your room as well?” 

“Yeah, I- wait. You too?”

“I trusted him, and I was willing. However he refused.” 

“Damn… guess it wasn’t just me then…” She started crying again, and downed her non-alcoholic drink. “Why can’t I get a break? Surely after all this time I should notice when guys are using me…” 

“Don’t blame yourself.” 

“No, it’s my fault… I’m never good enough for anyone.” 

“Miu, how about I stay with you for a while. I don’t know if I can help, but I’ll do my best.” 

“You’re fucking great Kirumi…” And they stayed together talking…

 

Maki was walking around the school campus until she found him in the sports shed. “Hello Ouma.” 

“Heya Maki-roll! You found me?”

“You always hide here when you’re upset.” She couldn’t smile, but hoped her expression conveyed her worry.

“Wow Maki! How observant of you! Wanna hang out in collective melancholy for a while?” 

“Sure.” And they stayed together for a while, not talking...

 

In the end, everyone stopped talking to Saihara, and he stopped coming to class.

Tenko realised she was a lesbian. 

All the girls and Ouma eventually ended up with better people.

Brought to you by I-can’t-write-good-final-lines.exe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, if anyone's got to the end, thank you! I hope you enjoyed this super self-indulgent story! This is the longest thing I've written and completed, and it's been a fun time, even if it's been almost a year.   
> ^^


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